WWE Wrestlemania 33 Thoughts and Results
Maybe it was the show, or maybe it as the company, but I enjoyed the show a lot more than I thought I would. On the other hand, it was way too long. In my 20s or teens, this is what I would dream about: seeing a long PPV instead of the dreaded 10:45 PM (Eastern time) on the clock because you KNEW the show was about to end. Warning: I may be more vulgar than usual for this one because I just need to vent about some of the inept decision making here.
I’m going to try and keep each thing as brief as possible because there is A LOT to talk about here with every match featured. I’m thankful that The New Day’s stuff was kept to a minimum and I’ll be the happiest person in the world when JBL finally is off the commentary duty.
As well, was this one of the most muted crowds in Wrestlemania history? Usually you hear the crowd being insanely loud but last night, besides The Hardy Boyz coming back, popping for AJ Styles before, during, and after his match, and The Undertaker at the end of the night, I just don’t think they were as loud as usual.
Kick-Off Show: Neville (Champ) vs. Austin Aries –
WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Colour me surprised, but I couldn’t believe this was the first match. I’m thankful these two had an audience to enjoy this match because it was really, really good. Both men had offense and good spots and I think, like I predicted, the right man went over because Aries chasing the belt means a longer a more meaningful feud while Neville gets the rub for not only being the best of the best Cruiserweights, but one of the best on the roster, period.
Kick-Off Show: Andre the Giant Battle Royal
I’ll start off by saying this match left a bad taste in my mouth. Not only did the wrong person go over (Rawley? Really?) but I HATE when other non-WWE people get involved in matches. NO ONE should be able to hand the WWE wrestlers their ass on a platter. It’s stupid, it’s not needed, and this shit has to stop. I don’t care if it was Jinder Mahal or someone of more importance. Vince, piss off with people who aren’t wrestlers beating up or interfering with your talent.
Winner: Mojo Rawley.
Kick-Off Show – Dean Ambrose (Champ) vs. Baron Corbin –
WWE Intercontinental Championship
This got bumped to the Kick-Off show and I felt so bad for both men. Sorry, I don’t give a fuck what JBL says (or said) about being on the Kick-Off show and how it is a privilege. Both men got demoted and it’s unfortunate. The match was nothing more than a regular Smackdown match and I don’t blame them. Why invest your time to trying to show off when your match is being given away? I’m surprised with the end result because I thought they’d pull the trigger with Corbin, but with the match on the Kick-Off show, who would really care if there was a title change?
Winner: Dean Ambrose
Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles
This wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but I think WWE was right with putting it on earlier than later. Just like random athletes in other sports, there should be NO reason why Shane McMahon should be able to stand toe to toe with anyone on either roster, especially AJ Styles. I don’t have much to say except it was what it was and we knew what we’d get. What a wasted opportunity for AJ Styles. For fuckssakes, Samoa Joe wasn’t even on the show – THERE’S a match. Build a damn inter-promotional match – they tried building this in three weeks, why not that? Ugh…. Shane kicking out of the Styles Clash was the stupidest thing I saw all night besides Styles just sitting there with a trash can in his face.
Winner: AJ Styles
Chris Jericho (Champ) vs. Kevin Owens – US Championship Match
To me, this match was one of the best built matches on the card and it delivered. One of my buds watching the match said “that’s it?” when Owens nailed Jericho’s lower back into the ring apron and pinned him but I loved it. It was a WRESTLING match with a good ending. Jericho and Owens put on a great match that showcased each other’s strengths and I applaud both men. This was my favourite pure “match” of the night.
Winner: Kevin Owens
Bayley (Champ) vs. Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax –
Raw Women’s Championship Four Way Elimination Match
This will be short and sweet: I said it in my prediction piece that WWE Creative absolutely dropped the ball with all of this. Bayley shouldn’t have won the title until tonight and with her retaining on the show did nothing for her character development. Either Charlotte should have won or they should have kept the belt on her (and her PPV streak alive) until tonight to make things more meaningful and then have Bayley pick up the win.
Gallows & Anderson (Champs) vs. Sheamus & Cesaro vs. Enzo & Cass vs. (SURPRISE!) The Hardy Boyz –
Ladder Match for the Raw Tag Team Championship
I’ll admit: when The New Day came out, I was about to go up and take a piss because I didn’t want to see them announce they were entering the match. My bud said, “The Hardy Boyz are coming,” and I told him he may be right. He was. The crowd went nuts with what I think was the biggest pop of the night. I applaud every wrestler in this match because they all shined. It was great to see The Hardy Boyz not dominate and work with the talent like they were on an even playing field. That’s what it’s all about and the match was one of the better ladder matches in recent years. This was a great match and really “deletes” the current Tag-Team atmosphere. Welcome back, Matt and Jeff! Afterwards, this is where the show died.
Winners: The Hardy Boyz
John Cena & Nikki Bella vs. The Miz & Maryse – Mixed Tag Team Match
The wrong team won. There, I said it. The ending with the double AA on The Miz and Maryse was horseshit and didn’t do anything except rub Cena and McMahon’s egos. Cena and Nikki will be off TV for a while, so why not just give the win (and establish) the heels? This decent match and a great build-up ruined by the outcome. The whole proposal at the end couldn’t have been more fake. You’re telling me that after all this time, Nikki wouldn’t be crying more and pulling out a pen to sign a pre-nup? Yeah, I’m “smarking” out. Deal with it.
Winners: John Cena & Nikki Bella
Seth Rollins vs. Triple H – Non Sanctioned Match
For a “non-sanctioned” match, this was a match that was in the ring for most of the bout and nothing spectacular happened. Maybe this match was to write Stephanie McMahon off TV for a bit after her bump and allow Angle to step in as Raw GM tonight. In retrospect, the match went way too long as Seth sold his knee and then did huge moves in between selling it which made no sense. Yes, Rollins needed the win, but even in victory, nothing even seems solved or of any importance. Nice tricycle, Hunter.
Winner: Seth Rollins
Bray Wyatt (Champ) vs. Randy Orton –
WWE Heavyweight Championship Match
Garbage. Pure garbage. Could Randy Orton look like he couldn’t care less in the ring? The lead up to this match was horrible and the in-ring action was just as poor. The stupid graphics during the canvas of the ring during match were one of the stupidest decisions I’ve seen in ages (besides this whole feud/angle). What the hell is the point of Orton is going over?? Wyatt might as well just quit because WWE Creative just continues to bury him. What a bunch of garbage. They cut to a vignette quickly during the celebration while the crowd booed.
Winner: Randy “boring” Orton
Goldberg (Champ) vs. Brock Lesnar –
WWE Universal Championship
Here’s another match I couldn’t have ever given two shits about. Goldberg spouting to the media that he was “miserable” leading up to this match because he had to train and stay in shape was appalling. Now we have another overrated part-timer as champ. Great. Boring match, predictable outcome, no new stars built up.
Winner: Brock Lesnar
Alexa Bliss (Champ) vs. Natayla vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Becky Lynch vs. Naomi – Smackdown Women’s Championship
I was actually surprised this match happened because it was moved from the Kick-Off show. This wasn’t more than a regular TV match with Naomi getting the win in front of her “hometown” for a feel-good moment. I was hoping for more but it was just “meh.”
The Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns
I cried. Yep, I did. I cried at the end of the night/match when The Undertaker laid his gear in the ring. Many people want the bells and whistles for retirement, but I think this worked very well. Thank you, Mark, for everything you’ve given the business. I never liked “The American Badass” gimmick, but you have my wholehearted respect.
As for the match, it sucked. Reigns got the shit beat out of him for over half of it, like usual, and came back to win. The botches, like the reversed Tombstone, were head-shaking, but Vince has Reigns so far up his ass that it doesn’t matter how loud the crowed booed and were muted. Even good ol’ Jim Ross couldn’t save this crap match. I hate JBL.
Winner: Roman Reigns
As I said, I had a great night watching, but it still boggles my mind how WWE thought some of the match-ups were the best available and how some of the outcomes were the right choice for business. Then again, I don’t own the company and I’m writing about it, good and bad. They win.