WWE Hell in a Cell 2016 Results and Thoughts
Three. Three f’n cage matches for last night’s Hell in a Cell PPV! How does one match top another? How can a match that’s supposed to be so brutal apply to three different feuds well? Did the participants use the cage to their advantage? Do I hate olive loaf!? Let’s find out!
Roman Reigns (Champ) vs. Rusev –
WWE United States Championship Match in Hell in a Cell
OK, this one is going to be short and sweet and vulgar as this match, to me, represents all that is wrong with WWE today. You’re fucking telling me that Rusev, once again, beats down Roman Reigns for the majority of the match, puts him in his finishing submission hold twice AND wraps a fucking chain around his face and Reigns STILL DOESN’T tap out?!?!? Not only that, he hits one spear and Rusev is pinned? Fuck that and fuck this. Vince and WWE creative can kiss my ass to try and pass off that bullshit as any sort of believable entertainment. Winner: Roman Reigns.
Bayley vs. Dana Brooke
This was basically a TV match. Dana Brooke was brought up from NXT way too early and matches like this and what she’s brought to the program over the last two months show it. Hopefully Bayley is next in line for Charlotte, but shows some aggression. Winner: Bayley.
Enzon & Cass vs. Gallows and Anderson
Another TV style match with the fans eating up the intro from the fan favourites. Too band that Gallows and Anderson have lost all their luster due to WWE Creative’s booking of them over the past few months. Sure, they got the win here and needed it, but I’m now in the “who cares?” camp. Winner: Gallows and Anderson
Kevin Owens (Champ) vs. Seth Rollins –
WWE Universal Championship in Hell in a Cell
Boom – right here. This was the c0-match of the night and that was even before Jericho interfered. The guys sold their moves, used objects and the cage thoughtfully, and told a fantastic story. I really don’t think Jericho needed to be involved, but that was the story they told leading into the match, so it wasn’t a surprise. The ending was satisfying and still leaves the story between these two, and Jericho, open. Let’s just hope there’s no more focus on “the list.” Winner: Kevin Owens
TJ Perkins (Champ) vs. Brian Kendrick –
WWE Cruiserweight Championship
That match was pretty good, but it was odd that there were so many hold spots that brought down the pace of the match. I didn’t think that Kendrick would win with all his whining and deflating of his character but when he pulled the fake injury spot and the ref was feeding into it way too much, you knew Perkins was going to be pulled in. Actually, it was so drawn out that it had that “wrestling is fake” vibe. Anyway, the right person won here, but just in the wrong way as it does nothing for how awesome Kendrick really is – just watch his matches and approach in the CWC series on the WWE Network. Winner: Brian Kendrick
I’m going to go the extra mile here and talk about Booker T on Raw‘s version of Talking Smack (I think it was “Raw Talk”). Booker T should be fired. He was an absolute goof….and even more-so than usual. How he talked down to Brian Kendrick wasn’t just unprofessional, it was downright insulting.
The New Day (Champs) vs. Cesaro and Sheamus –
WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Match
Here’s another TV match with an ending that makes no sense. The ref shouldn’t have called for the bell when he did as he should have been focused on what was happening INSIDE the ring with the two legal men in the match. Yeah, I understand this gives all the people involved an out, but it’s still stupidly booked – and The New Day need to lose their belts ASAP.
Sasha Banks (Champ) vs. Charlotte –
WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match
Here’s the other co-match of the night. The women sold their actions very well. Too bad we saw a spot where the table broke instantly (Charlotte on the outside) and an instance where the table didn’t break (twice at the end when Sasha didn’t break the table). I found the end of the match to happen suddenly but I think it was satisfying. It sounded like Sasha Banks’ hometown crowd seemed deflated after the 1-2-3, but the right woman won because there is almost no one better on the mic and in the ring (male OR female) right now. I
still have no idea why they only had Banks hold the belt for only a month, and I predicted that Charlotte wouldn’t win because of the short amount of time that Banks has had the belt. Well, my mistake there!
I applaud these two for an excellent match, but I think the whole crowd (and people at home) were expecting something even crazier. Winner: Charlotte
Overall, I was happy with the event, minus the first match, and I’m curious to see where some of the wrestlers will feud next. Unfortunately, we’ll probably have some fake “feud” between Raw and Smackdown be the priority for the next three weeks until Survivor Series.